Vayetzei 5785

When Yaakov took his family and fled from Lavan, Lavan chased after him and caught up with Yaakov. He then indignantly berated Yaakov for stealthily running away, and then accused Yaakov (Beraishis 31:30): “Why did you steal my gods?” Yaakov was outraged and permitted Lavan to look through his camp in search of the missing Terafim. When Lavan did not find them, Yaakov became angry at Lavan, and reminded Lavan of his exceptional honesty (Ibid. 38-39): “These twenty years I have been with you, your ewes and she-goats never miscarried, nor did I eat rams of your flock. That which was mangled I never brought you – I myself would bear the loss.” Yaakov was very careful and took such great care of Lavan’s sheep that they never miscarried. Moreover, even though he was entitled as their shepherd to occasionally eat from the sheep, he never did so. He took full responsibility for any sheep which were mangled, never charging any losses to Lavan. (Rabbenu Bachye).

Lavan saw how Yaakov acted with such exceptional honesty for twenty years. Yet he still accused Yaakov of stealing the Terafim, and conducted an extensive search of all the tents, finding nothing. This is puzzling. How could Lavan accuse Yaakov of stealing the Terafim, given that he saw first-hand for twenty years that Yaakov acted with care and honesty well beyond anyone’s expectations? As the Seforno explains, “What wrongdoing have you found me guilty of in the past, that you suspect me now of being a robber?”

It appears that Lavan harbored suspicions against Yaakov because cunning and dishonesty was Lavan’s nature. Lavan had no scruples against cheating anyone. Yaakov labored seven years without receiving any wages in order to marry his beloved Rochel. Yet, when the wedding night came, Lavan slyly switched Leah for Rochel, and then forced Yaakov to work another seven years in order to marry Rochel. When Yaakov finally worked out a way to be compensated for his efforts, Lavan did not relent. As Yaakov bitterly complained to Lavan (Ibid. 31:41): “You changed my wages ten times.” Because Lavan himself was so dishonest, he projected his bad character upon Yaakov, and therefore suspected Yaakov himself of also being dishonest. A dishonest person will naturally assume others are also dishonest, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Apparently, it is human nature for each of us to assume others are like us. We all naturally project our own values on others and assume that others think and act the same way that we do. Husbands and wives, parents and children, bosses and employees and even good friends frequently misunderstand each other because each one assumes that the other would react or think the same way as he or she would. This can lead to bitterness and sometimes even to the tragic unravelling of their relationship. We need to appreciate that Hashem created everyone as a distinct person, and therefore cannot expect everyone to react the same as us. Only when we recognize that others are different and try to understand them can we build durable relationships. We should endeavor to build harmony with others and be able to fulfill the words of King David (Tehillim 133:1),”Behold how good and how pleasant it is when brothers dwell together הנה מה טוב ומה נעים שבת אחים גם יחד”